North Cadbury Court: Please make yourselves at home and enjoy the house’s sporting facilities, grounds, gym or the pool and sauna.
There is equipment provided for lawn croquet, lawn tennis, oceanic golf, Subterranean Tricky Fishing, extreme frisbee and moderate cycling. Or just stare at a wall until things make sense to you.
Local: There are country walks to take and at least one dog to accompany you. His name is Tank, and he is mega enthusiastic.
Environs: Bath is 45 minutes to the North, Stonehenge is close, and Glastonbury Tor can be seen from the roof, next to the tee for the golf course’s first hole. Why not see if you can brain a Fresian over the haw-haw? It’s either that or talk to each other. Durdle Door of Dorset’s Jurassic Coast is also worth a look.
London: If anyone would like to add time in London, please let us know and we’ll provide some recommendations, whilst assiduously avoiding you.
More Details
Cadbury Hill Fort: Take a 30-minute walk from the house to climb an Iron Age hill fort some interested parties consider to be the most likely site of the first franchise of King Arthur’s Camelot. This is where we’ll store the tinned beans and experts after Brexit.
Stourhead House: Drive 14 miles for an 18th century landscape garden and Palladian mansion. If you find out what ‘Palladian’ means, do let us know.
Stonehenge: View it from the A303 or, you know, on your human legs. If you like queueing up to look at superannuated masonry, go twice. Stonehenge is important because it’s where the druids invented gridlock.
Bath: Forty miles north lies Bath. Bath is very beautiful and famous for its Roman spa, Corinthian traffic wardens, Georgian architecture, posh shops and staggeringly awful rugby team.
Jurassic Coast: If you have time, why not drive to England’s loveliest coastline, including Dorset’s famous Gold Cap and Durdle Door, which is 40 miles directly southwards. Stop when you get wet, etc. The Jurassic Coast is the highway cruising speed of a diplodocus.
Salisbury: A slight detour en route, and you can take in the Cathedral and Close. Don’t allow yourselves to be smeared in Novichok by mischievous Russians.
Wells: Even closer is the smallest city in England, with a commensurately tiny Cathedral and whatnot. Find the crystal display case showing some of the very smallest atoms in the Kingdom. Lashings of history. In a cone.
London: Ask us for recommendations – LL’s favourite museums are the Geffrye, Sir John Soane and Museum of London. Jack refuses to visit any London landmarks, because he is pretentious and affected. And ugly. And very small.
