What to Expect

Some wedding traditions have diverged over time and distance. In case you think one of us is being terribly rude, we thought it best to let you know what to expect. Speeches, for instance, will be a lot more irreverent than in America (the Groom is basically a trussed-up stationary target.)

Here is a non-exhaustive wedding glossary to help.

UK to US Translations

  • Wedding Breakfast (because it is the first meal the bride and groom share as a married couple) = Wedding Supper
  • Canapés = Hors d’Oeuvres
  • Chief Bridesmaid = Maid / Matron of Honor
  • Ushers = Groomsmen
  • Best Man = Gnarly Dude
  • Speeches = Toasts
  • Carriages = Taxis
  • Vicar = Minister
  • Pudding = Dessert
  • Church of England = Anglican Church
  • Incinerated bacon = bacon
  • Lounge Suit = Business Suit
  • Morning Suit = Cutaway Suit to facilitate exquisitely nuanced gestures
  • Hen / Stag Do = Bachelorette / Bachelor Party
  • Tomato = Tomato
  • That’s very interesting = Please stop talking immediately

English Traditions – Church Services

  • The groomsmen and bridesmaids are typically seated
  • The groom faces forwards until the bride reaches the altar. Then he keels over to starboard
  • The bridesmaids follow the bride down the aisle
  • The vows are predetermined
  • The hymns are different and tend to focus on cricket
  • Hats remain on, despite view impairment
  • The Vicar’s jokes are to be endured solemnly, reverently, and without laughter
  • Trousers (pants) also remain on, despite any impairments

English Traditions – Reception

  • Canapés and champagne follow the service and last longer than a typical American cocktail hour, or indeed ‘hour’, so pace yourselves
  • Hats come off as soon as  Lloyd Sr takes hers off, or the wind picks up
  • Cheese follows pudding
  • Dancing follows dinner
  • Speeches are intended to make you laugh at our expense, and they are much longer
  • It is customary for guests to punch the Best Man in the head after the cheese course
  • The event tends to last all day, so again, pace yourselves and move on to lethal spirits at about 6pm
  • Dancing should, at all times, be a performative deconstruction of the inherent ridiculousness of dancing, and NOT an attempt to look cool, sinuous or competent.
  • The Bride carries the Groom over the threshold whilst elliptically chanting Eddic verse